2. Yelling at me for barking.
I’M A **** DOG!

3. Taking me for a walk, then
not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose. Stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff
up when you’re not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what
a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for ‘the big snip’,
then acting surprised when I freak
out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven’t you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth. You’re just jealous.